7 Things That Define Australia

Posted on February 18th, 2008 by Brad

Now I saw a list on digg just now, of ‘20 Things That Culturally Define Australia’ and I thought, hey! I should blog that. Then I read it and found it was quite complementary to Australia. So I thought fuck that, I’ll make my own list.

1. Your Accent

I can’t take an Australian person seriously, your accent sounds somewhere between a mentally challenged retarded and someone who’s off their face or under the influence of one or more illegal substances. I know there are variations in Australian accents, but most of them make me want to sever the vocal chords of the offending Aussie so their shrill and annoying tone shall never bother the ears of the world again.

2. Your Culture

Now the article I actually saw on Digg was implying the things they listed that defined your culture were good, I beg to differ. What the fuck has your country got as far as ‘culture’ goes? Really. Beer? BBQs? Stupid annoying TV shows about people who live next to each other? Your humour is just god awful, but I’ll address that in another point. In short, you have little culture, and what culture you have can be summed up in one word; Beer (That tastes like weak piss, by the way).

3. Your Humour

ITS NOT FUNNY. So many Australian people I know have sent me links to youtube videos of Australian comedy TV shows, and its not funny in any way. It’s completely dumb insolent humour. “Har har, that man just fell down!”. It’s not clever or witty in any sense. Watching a 20 second clip of some Aussie comedian doing some sketch on a plane made me lose several hundred IQ points, and that was before I started bashing my head on the desk out of frustration, it was more enjoyable than watching that trash though.

4. Immigrants

You’re not really a country at all. You’re just a melting pot of many different kinds of immigrants. Well, besides the aborigines whom you treat with such contempt. What is an Australian? A 2nd or 3rd generation immigrant from some other place most likely. You try and cling to some kind of national identity, when really you have none. And whatever national identity you may have to cling on to, hell most self respecting people wouldn’t want it.

5. Your Politicians

You re-elected John Howard 4 times and then replaced him with someone even more incompetent and loathsome. Every country has some assholes in government. You seem to pick the cream of the asshole crop time and again to lead you though. Shows how politically knowledgeable the average Australian is I guess, I bet half of you don’t even know what an election is.

6. Sports

I’ve said this before, but that’s all you have as a nation. You’re good at some sports. What else are you good at? Nothing. Well, I don’t think making yourself look retarded counts personally, but you could put that down as a national strength if you were really clutching at straws. Oh and just a side note; Ricky Ponting needs to die slowly and painfully, he has all the charm, pose and dignity of the AIDS virus.

7. The Retarded Australians Who Comment On My Blog Posts

I bet you anything you want that in 2-3 days tops I will have at least several comments flaming me and calling me an idiot for making this post, see any of my other blog posts about Australia and notice every one of them has several comments where Australians insult me, they don’t try to refute any of the points (however.. lacking in seriousness they are) they just throw insults at me. Which in the end just proves my point, and makes themselves look like idiots.

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15 Responses to “7 Things That Define Australia”

  1. Ryan, on February 18th, 2008 at 3:55 pm Said:

    Thank you God, for giving Brad the most useful brain ever.

    I’m sorry, but I have to agree with you on most of these points. Especially the humour. Its pathetic.

  2. Firefoxx336, on February 18th, 2008 at 8:03 pm Said:

    Mmm, I’m not exposed to much Australian stuff, but that could be because there’s nothing decent to be exposed to. I’m not sure really, though that one kid who wouldn’t take off his glasses was absolutely hysterical.

    I will give them this though, they produced the band Hilltop Hoods and I think they are absolutely phenomenal. Other than that, I don’t have a damn clue. but you have kangaroos and coral reefs, that’s got to count for something.

  3. Mushroom Queen, on February 19th, 2008 at 5:59 pm Said:

    OH COME ON. I’ve been to Australia and I thought they were nice people.

  4. Burnt Joint, on February 19th, 2008 at 11:15 pm Said:

    I know that you aren’t attacking me personally, so I’m just going to take a few deep breaths.

    I admit, we are a bit retarded. I’m a quarter Australian and even I hate the accent >.

  5. Sev, on February 20th, 2008 at 1:07 am Said:

    I have to disagree with some of your points. I’m not Australian so don’t get mad at me.

    1. Wow, Australian accents sound just like British to me.

    2. Eh.

    3. British humor again, heavily reminds me of British.

    4. Every country has immigrants.

    5. Agrred on that point.

    6. It’s all based on the person. He or she can decide to do what she wants. I’m pretty sure other countries are only good at psorts and at nothing else other than Austrailia.

    7. Wtf, lol. I still do love reading how you rant about everything xD

  6. Killers, on February 20th, 2008 at 4:11 am Said:

    My Australian classmate is probably the most loathed student by the teachers.

    1) Every fucking time he answers a question, he drags it so long that people have to tell him “Shut the fuck up and get to the point”.

    2) The little girls chuckle and laugh because he speaks in a retarded AND Australian accent. They think it’s cute apparently.

    3) Everytime he’s talking in English lessons, he simply has to add dragons, hobbits, magic into it. I used to be mildly amused from the references, but he does it every fucking time that it becomes a total nuisance.

    I’m gonna stereotype all Australians as retards like him.

  7. Brad, on February 20th, 2008 at 6:49 am Said:

    It’s not a personal attack on anyone Burnt Joint o.0

    If I was going to personally attack you I’d use your name.

    and wtf Sev, British accents and Australian accents are nothing alike, the same with the humour. Shows how little you know about either.

  8. Firefoxx336, on February 20th, 2008 at 11:25 pm Said:

    Meh, I can see the similarities between British accents and Aussie ones. To me, it’s like East Coast American and Texan. Same language, but Texans totally fuck it up. :P

  9. Salad, on February 21st, 2008 at 3:50 am Said:

    Play nice Bradley.

    Quit it.

    + you said my voice was hot :( /wrists

  10. Black Cheese, on February 21st, 2008 at 5:05 pm Said:

    How about we all move to the Antarctic and start a new country….

  11. Brad, on February 22nd, 2008 at 2:39 am Said:

    I’m in

  12. Steven, on February 25th, 2008 at 3:18 am Said:

    Well, I think Aussies’ and Brittans’ accents sound much alike, and both have odd humor, but still fine people, and I’ve met several people who thought a Australian was a Brittish person.

    I do agree on their odd humor. XD

  13. KT AND BB, on June 23rd, 2008 at 12:27 am Said:

    1. Do you think you’re accent is any better? English people have the worst accent ever! Every time a stupid pom speaks I feel like throwing something at their fat head! Australians do not sound retarded when we speak, your just jealous that when you say our slang you sound retarded.
    2. We’re just going to ignore that, you’re obviously too dumb to understand culture. Beer is awesome, you don’t like it your gay because all guys like beer. You’re gay, aren’t ya?
    3. We’re not funny? LMAO wtf you guys have the worst humour ever! A show like’ little Britain’, more like little piece of shit it’s the biggest piece of kanga shit ever! Our humour uses real life situations and makes jokes of the idiocy of English people. We have wit, you don’t. English jokes are sooooooo lame and boring.
    4. Every country has immigrants you ignorant dumbshit. Don’t you know anything? You said in the about me section that you are so intelligent, you are the dumbest person I no maybe you should get your facts right before you go making assumptions about a great country like Australia.
    5. Lol George bush anyone? Excuse me, ok so jonny wasn’t the best for our prime minister and so ruddy aren’t that good either but it’s the people that work under him are the ones making the real difference in our country. Ever heard of Peter Garrett? He is our environmental minister and he is doing a great job. SO GET FUCKED!!
    6. RICKY PONTING HOW FUCKING DARE YOU SAYS HE SHOULD DIE I HOPE YOU DIE A PAINFUL DEATH. I HATE YOUR FUCKING GUTS MATE YOU JUST DONT SAY THAT A LEGEND OF CRICKET AND AUSTRALIA SHOULD DIE. YOU’RE A FUCKING BASTARD. AUSTRALIA IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN ENGLAND AT CRICKET YOU’RE JUST JELOUS THAT WE HAVE SUCH A GREAT CAPTAIN LIKE RICKY. MICHAEL VAUGHAN SHOULD DIE. YEAH HOW DO YOU LIKE IT WHEN I SAY THAT? OH THATS RIGHT YOUR A LOSER FAT NERD THAT PLAYS COMPUTER GAMES SO YOU DONT NO ANYTHING ABOUT CRICKET, YOU PROBALLY DONT EVEN NO HOW VAUGAN IS DO U?? GET A LIFE SERIOUSLY DONT FUCKING SAY SHIT BOUT RICKY. DIE MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!
    7. Actually we did try and rebut your lame ass points. The only idiot around here is you. We’re all having a riot over laughing about how lame you are. Everyone is saying how you’re one of those guys who is the scum of the earth and you aren’t worth the shit of our feet. You’ll never be happy unless you’re dissing other people and other cultures. You’re so immature, come contact us when your balls drop you fat ball of shit. I seriously feel sorry for you, we’re trying to see your point of view but I don’t think we would be able to get our heads so far up our ass that it interferes with our brain! ILY XXOXO YOU FUCKING GREASEY NERD, SHIT BRICK, WANKER HOLE, LOSER OF ENGLAND WHICH IS A HELL HOLE THATS JELOUS OF US AUSSIES. GET FUCKED YOU BASTARD WANKER  FUCK YOU BRO!!

  14. seb, on September 1st, 2008 at 5:24 am Said:

    Hey,

    Im glad you do not like Australia because it would be ashame to have people like you in our country. I think you are just jealous that your blood was too stupid to come on the 1st fleet.

    You must be very loney and negative person. Get a job, you dirty saxon.

  15. Brad, on September 4th, 2008 at 2:02 pm Said:

    http://www.saidbybrad.com/2008/07/06/sigh/

    You’re an idiot, congratulations. Your complimentary T-Shirt will be arriving shortly. Seriously, grow a pair.

    And the 1st fleet? The first people we actually left on your rock were convicts.

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